I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
