Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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