accomplished twins. life is a go
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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