did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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