You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
