Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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