Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
