I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
