My friends, they love my intelligence
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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