You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
