dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
