just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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