just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize