So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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