I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
