so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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