accomplished twins. life is a go
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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