Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
