So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
