I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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