You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
