hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
