Betty ford says i'm here all night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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