these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
