Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
