"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
