One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
