i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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