Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
