I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize