I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
