stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
