I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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