I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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