she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I understand Curling. That high.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
