i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize