This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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