dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
