i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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