it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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