drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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