Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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