wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
