plz talk dirty to me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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