I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
