I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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