the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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