someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
