He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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