Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
