what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
