You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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