SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
