I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
