i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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