shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
