Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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