Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
