ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this is an emotional support booty call
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
