Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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