i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
