would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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