BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dignity is for republicans.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
