only if we run a train.
done.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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