A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
