So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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