you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Girls should come with a carfax report
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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