my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
