the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize