i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
