I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
