Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
