i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
