I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
