Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
