Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
