Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
