Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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