I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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