Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
